Life goes on...

I experienced mom's first completely "checking out" time while grocery shopping this week. It was different that her normal 'phasing in and out' that we've become accustomed to. It brought me up short and I realized that time is marching on and each moment is more and more precious.

I confess that the awareness has not changed my behavior this week. I suppose that's normal. I can only let her journey with Alzheimer's affect me so much and then I must do what needs to be done for me and for the household. However, there is a layer of awareness that was not available to me prior to that experience.

In the beginning there was a 'need' for me to be fully present to them; doing things they wanted, keeping them entertained, etc. That has modified to a recognition that although life is still meaningful for them (well, dad for certain), I can only live my life and although I have agreed to be their caregiver, I cannot live their life I can only assist them.

Today I wish there was a lot of free hours to just sit and think and write...mom, however, needs to physically do something so I think we'll set up to play a game or two ~